I Have a Four Year Old Ghostwriter

The other day Caed randomly announced, "You can't grow an orange from an apple tree."  I concluded he would grow up to be a Chinese Proverb writer, and posted as such on Facebook.  

Upon reading his wise words, my friend Michelle suggested Caed start his own blog.  But we all know that's out of the question.  Because without material from my quotable boy, what would that leave me to write about on my blog?  

Apparently, I'm not above plagiarizing the works of a four year old.  Does it make it less pathetic that he's my four year old?  Anyway, below is a compilation of quotes, most of which he uttered this week, though I admittedly included a few classic reruns:

The Quotable Caed on Dogs
  • "If dogs don't have tails, how will people know they're happy?
  • "That dog looks like a squirrel.  I'm not so sure he's a dog." (Said of a yippy little squirrel-colored dog at the beach, within earshot of the owner.  And to the squirrel-dog's owner, I have to say I'm sorry, dude, but it's true.  Even my preschooler knows your dog looks dangerously close to a rodent).
The Quotable Caed on Food:
  • After hearing from his Dad that the french fries being served were made with a special ingredient called love, he replied, "I don't taste the love.  Just potatoes."  To which Dad replied, "Well, perhaps you haven't yet developed a discerning palate."  To which Caed responded in his most condescending voice, "I don't think there is a discernin' pawwet OR love in here. They're just french fries, Dad."
  • After biting into a cake ice cream cone for the first time, he scrunched his nose and said, "This doesn't taste like food." 
The Quotable Caed on Arguing His Way out of Trouble:
  • After being told he was not to interrupt when Mommy & Daddy were talking, he said, "I wasn't saying 'Daddy' to you, I was talking to my car.  My car is named 'Daddy.'" Then he tried to sell it by engaging in a little pretend play with Daddy the matchbox car.
  • After being told not to open the trash cabinet, he replied, "I'm not opening it.  My bad lightsaber is opening it."  And yes, he had figured out a way to open the cabinet using nothing but a nerf lightsaber.
The Quotable Caed on Going Green:
  • "I can't remember.  Does hair go in the recyclin' or the regular trash?" he queried as he dangled a strand over the open trash (which, just to be clear, was opened not by him, but by his evil lightsaber).
  • "You better save some water for da whales, Mom! Or else they won’t have any place to live cuz you were washin’ dishes too much.” (This quote dates over a year ago, after he completed an Earth Day series at preschool.  But it's a classic and a great excuse for leaving my dishes in the sink a bit longer.)
The Quotable Caed on Using the Restroom:
  • "Wow, they really need to clean this place up. It's da'custing!", upon entering a public restroom. I couldn't have agreed with him more!
  • "Dani, please puhlease get outa here.  I need to have my peace.  Ughh, this is not peaceful AT ALL." (Now he knows how Mommy feels).
I told Caed I was going to post a few fun things he had said throughout the week and asked him if there was anything further he'd like to share, in a conclusion of sorts.  He cocked his head and pooched his lips to one side and replied, "No, just tell them I don't have anything in my mind right now."   Ah yes, just one more thing he has in common with his mother.

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