I Have a Four Year Old Ghostwriter
The other day Caed randomly announced, "You can't grow an orange from an apple tree." I concluded he would grow up to be a Chinese Proverb writer, and posted as such on Facebook.
Apparently, I'm not above plagiarizing the works of a four year old. Does it make it less pathetic that he's my four year old? Anyway, below is a compilation of quotes, most of which he uttered this week, though I admittedly included a few classic reruns:
The Quotable Caed on Dogs
- "If dogs don't have tails, how will people know they're happy?"
- "That dog looks like a squirrel. I'm not so sure he's a dog." (Said of a yippy little squirrel-colored dog at the beach, within earshot of the owner. And to the squirrel-dog's owner, I have to say I'm sorry, dude, but it's true. Even my preschooler knows your dog looks dangerously close to a rodent).
The Quotable Caed on Food:
- After hearing from his Dad that the french fries being served were made with a special ingredient called love, he replied, "I don't taste the love. Just potatoes." To which Dad replied, "Well, perhaps you haven't yet developed a discerning palate." To which Caed responded in his most condescending voice, "I don't think there is a discernin' pawwet OR love in here. They're just french fries, Dad."
- After biting into a cake ice cream cone for the first time, he scrunched his nose and said, "This doesn't taste like food."
The Quotable Caed on Arguing His Way out of Trouble:
- After being told he was not to interrupt when Mommy & Daddy were talking, he said, "I wasn't saying 'Daddy' to you, I was talking to my car. My car is named 'Daddy.'" Then he tried to sell it by engaging in a little pretend play with Daddy the matchbox car.
- After being told not to open the trash cabinet, he replied, "I'm not opening it. My bad lightsaber is opening it." And yes, he had figured out a way to open the cabinet using nothing but a nerf lightsaber.
The Quotable Caed on Going Green:
- "I can't remember. Does hair go in the recyclin' or the regular trash?" he queried as he dangled a strand over the open trash (which, just to be clear, was opened not by him, but by his evil lightsaber).
- "You better save some water for da whales, Mom! Or else they won’t have any place to live cuz you were washin’ dishes too much.” (This quote dates over a year ago, after he completed an Earth Day series at preschool. But it's a classic and a great excuse for leaving my dishes in the sink a bit longer.)
The Quotable Caed on Using the Restroom:
- "Wow, they really need to clean this place up. It's da'custing!", upon entering a public restroom. I couldn't have agreed with him more!
- "Dani, please puhlease get outa here. I need to have my peace. Ughh, this is not peaceful AT ALL." (Now he knows how Mommy feels).
I told Caed I was going to post a few fun things he had said throughout the week and asked him if there was anything further he'd like to share, in a conclusion of sorts. He cocked his head and pooched his lips to one side and replied, "No, just tell them I don't have anything in my mind right now." Ah yes, just one more thing he has in common with his mother.