Everyone needs to STOP the Kung-Fu Fighting already

There's a whole lotta venting going on over at The Domestic Fringe, and I just had to chime in, because I cannot resist the opportunity to throw a public fit any more than my children can.

And Cory, if you're reading this, I still love you dearly. It's not you. It's me. It's me, after hearing your card ONE TOO MANY TIMES.

Note to Hallmark:

We have enough blasted things in this world that make noise and require batteries. Please go back to making cards that open to lovely words such as "Here's to you, Great Aunt-in-Law, on your 78th birthday, May you hair always be blue and your dreams always come true."

Please discontinue the cards that upon opening, punch you in the face, pull your finger, or play a 30-second rendition of Kung Fu Fighting.

Note to my dear friend who was so thoughtful to send me a Hallmark Card:
No matter how darling the dog is on the cover, please permanently refrain from the Kung-Fu Springer greeting card variety. I do understand the difficulty in resisting a card featuring our beloved Calliope, clothed as the Karate Kid in all her canine cover girl glory. But did you happen to open the card? Did you not, in fact, hear the part about the cats being fast as lightning? Because I have. I have heard all about the cats, in excruciating repetition. It was more than a little bit frightening.

Note to myself, for future reference:
Did it not occur to you (until now) that you could have just taken the card away from the four year old? You ARE in fact, the one in charge, when last checked. Perhaps you should spend less time whining and more time locating a better hiding place for that darned card, like maybe the trash. This is not the time to get sentimental or to save every piece of personal correspondence that arrives via snail mail. When in doubt, THROW IT OUT.

And finally, a note to the viewers of this video:
I have no explanation for the attire other than to say that if you have no kung-fu outfits of your own, apparently snow pants will do in a pinch. Also note that the spiderman mask is optional, for added mystique.

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