Top 10 Signs You've Been Working at Home Too Long

You know, I thought I'd sit the Friday Funnies out this week. Just not feeling funny. I blame the children. After all, this little corner of the blogosphere is dedicated to droning on and on in mind-bloggling detail about their wonderfulness and silliness and don't-you-just-adore-em-ness. But these two junior contributors haven't provided any stand-out funny material, which leaves us all in a very dangerous place. I have to make stuff up.

But we have to take that risk and hope for the best because:

"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face." - Victor Hugo

And if there is one thing I need right now, it is to DRIVE OUT WINTER from my face!

So, I present to you, the Top 10 Signs You've Been Working at Home Too Long:

1) On your way out to daycare drop-off, your two year old implores you, "Get D'essed!", and you already are.

2) You can't keep a candy tray full to save your life (or your waistline). And yes, you did single-handedly polish off the dark chocolate peanut M&Ms, and no, you're not going to divulge the timeline in which you did it.

3) If it weren't for conference calls, the laundry would never get folded or put away.

4) What business attire remains in your closet hasn't seen the light of day since the tech bubble burst.

5) And that's probably a good thing. Because even the classic Ann Taylor look doesn't last a whole decade.

6) You try bouncing ideas off the dog. She slides her nose in between her paws and tries not to make eye contact. If she could talk, you can bet she wouldn't waste her words helping you with Powerpoint slides. No indeed, first order of business, "Must tell my master that his wife is a nutjob."

7) You wander out to the mailbox a half dozen times a day, mostly during conference calls (after all the laundry is folded), even though you know the mail doesn't come until 4:00. You most likely do this because you feel frequent and compelling urges to "get out of the house for once", plus five or so times.

8) You think walking to the mailbox constitutes "getting out of the house."

9) You have memorized the dog-walking patterns and timetables for the entire neighborhood.

10) If ever a neighbor is complaining about a mystery dog poo in his yard that some rude dog owner neglected to clean up, you could totally solve the case, based on the dog-walking patterns you've committed to memory, along with forensic analysis of the size and age of the specimen. But you would most certainly outsource the forensic analysis part. After all, you are a consultant first, and a nutjob second. And any consultant worth her weight in dark chocolate peanut M&Ms will suggest that something be "outsourced" at least once a week. This applies whether you work on Wall Street or Wysteria Lane, or some extraordinarily less glamorous location such as the chair by the window where you sit with your laptop with a clear view of the dogs walking by.

Rude dog owners, beware, I'm onto you. Neighbors, you should be afraid too, but for different reasons, such as, there is a nutjob in your neighborhood, and she's home ALL THE TIME. Except for when she wanders out to the mailbox....

Hmmm...winter still on your face? Yeah, mine too. So check out Amber's place for more. I'm gonna head there too, right after I go check to see whether the mail is here yet.